You found “the one”. The one who makes a flurry of butterflies flutter in your stomach always puts a smile on your face. You can’t imagine waking up every morning or sleeping on your side every night. On laundry day, the one you want to go grocery shopping, garden, and mix whites and colors with. Heck, you can even imagine (gasp!) sharing a bathroom with them!
Now you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship: living together.
but how do you know if you’re real Emotionally Ready to share living space with your partner? Is it the blindness of the early days of a relationship that makes you want to rush into that commitment? Are you worried that your next fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend will break your heart forever? Trying to figure it out can be very stressful!
Helps you find answers to some of the emotional challenges that come with knowledge how soon cohabitation is too earlywe consulted Debra Feinberg, LCSW, Director of Maplewood Counseling in Maplewood, NJ. As a counselor and coach for couples, individuals, and families, Feinberg offers you and your partner some expert advice on whether you’re considering making this life-changing transition.
How long should you wait before moving in together?
There are no hard and fast schedules to consider when living together. According to Feinberg, the most important wait is how long it takes to really understand your partner before moving in together and exploring your respective ways of handling conflict. “It might take some time,” she said procession“It can help couples slow down. Often a relationship starts without conflict because you might be in love, or you can’t see things clearly. Things will feel wonderful and light. However, when everyone is feeling hurt, angry, disappointed, etc. What will happen when?”
Knowing how your significant other will handle a disagreement or an all-out fight is critical to the overall success of a relationship. “It would help to wait to get to know each other and take things slowly that way,” she said.
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What should couples talk about before moving in together?
“Assuming a couple has taken some time to understand how they handle conflict effectively, it’s good to talk about expectations,” advises Feinberg.
Feinberg adds that open discussions about what to expect when cohabiting should include finances and who will handle which chores, but there must be honest conversations about intimacy and other responsibilities. Be sure to determine the parameters of what personal space you do or don’t want in the relationship, understand and pay attention to what makes or upsets your partner, and be honest about your annoyances and what you might do about them Respond to the idiosyncrasies of others.
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Examples of topics to cover before moving in together:
- where do you want to live
- How you will split or pay the bill
- who will do what housework
- how often do you want to eat together
- What to expect from the program after get off work
- Ask about your partner’s love language
- how do you usually handle conflict
- Expectations for Home Decor
How do you know if now is the right time to move in together?
Feeling emotionally secure with your partner (and vice versa) is a good indicator that you’re ready to live together. “The right time may be when both partners feel emotionally safe enough to openly express and share concerns and feelings,” Feinberg said. “This will reduce fear and give a couple more confidence that they can deal with potential issues that arise when cohabiting – in general.”
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Can moving in together too early ruin a relationship?
Feinberg warns that starting to share the same living space before you really know your partner can absolutely destroy a budding relationship. This goes back to her warning that knowing how to communicate strong emotions such as hurt, anger or disappointment to the other person during an argument is crucial.
What’s more, how you reconcile your differences as a couple is just as important. Being able to successfully establish boundaries of mutual respect, reach a compromise, or look beyond superficial arguments to get to the real issues behind why you’re fighting are all positive signs that you and your partner have the tools to fight in healthy ways.
“If you’re not effectively addressing issues when they arise — and there’s no practice in doing so — then it can lead to a relationship ‘fracture,’ which may not be easy to fix,” warns Feinberg.
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What are some signs that you might be ready to move in together?
- You have previously discussed the idea of living together one day.
- You feel supported by each other.
- When disagreements arise, you listen and communicate respectfully.
- You have started building your life together, you have actually lived together.
- The idea of living together excites you both.
When you can feel safe enough emotionally to communicate effectively when faced with challenging issues, you and your partner may be ready to sign a lease together, Feinberg says.
However, there are other key factors to keep in mind when deciding whether you’re ready to share a bathroom with a loved one. For example, you should both agree on your future as a couple – married or not. It’s also important that you don’t use cohabitation as a Band-Aid for problem behaviors, such as lack of trust in your partner.
“Have actual expectations of each other,” Feinberg points out. “In the end, if you feel connected and safe at all times, you’re probably ready to move in together. “
Next, check What It’s Like To Fall In Love And These 5 Signs You’re In Love With Someone.